Why more marriages break up – Counsellors

Some Nigerians have expressed worries about the rampant cases of broken homes and their effects on  society.

They are concerned that the current economic hardship may increase divorce and separation in the country.

The citizens spoke with the newsmen in Lagos.

Dr. Jumoke Aina, a mother and educator, said that broken homes often resulted from divorce, separation, and abandonment.

According to her, these situations can be triggered by marital conflicts, infidelity, financial difficulties, substance abuse, domestic violence, and incompatibility between partners.

Aina said that the consequences of marriage breakups on the children included emotional distress, academic failure, and behavioural problems.

Aina added that people from broken homes had increased rates of juvenile delinquency, crime and substance abuse.

Aina said that broken homes could be avoided or minimised through provision of access to professional counselling, which could assist couples to resolve conflicts and improve communication.

Also speaking, Prof. Folasade Alade, a specialist in family sex and marital counselling, also attributed marriage breakups to financial challenges, lack of communication, infidelity, incompatibility and in-law interferences.

Alade said that the psychological and emotional impacts of home breaking on children included low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and aggression.

“As a lecturer, I easily recognise anyone from broken home in the school because they are aggressive, not always happy, and they are bullies.

“It really has negative effects on the society especially on our citadel of learning. They mix with the good ones and they corrupt some of them, ” she said.

Alade said that broken homes could be prevented with tolerance and patience in marriages.

“Since the two people who are joined together in marriage come from different backgrounds, a significant amount of patience and tolerance is, therefore, needed to prevent broken homes,” she said.

Dr. Abimbola Oladotun, founder of Happily Ever After Counselling, a non-governmental organisation, said that divorce was a disease that should be denied entrance into one’s marital life.

According to her, divorce eats up the bodies, hearts and souls of those affected.

Oladotun added that hardness of heart among partners was a major cause of broken marriages.

“As humans, couples would hurt themselves in different ways, intensities, and frequencies, but if couples would practice ‘advance forgiveness’, that way, each partner could decide to forgive the wrong his/her spouse has yet to commit,” she said.

According to her, divorce makes some children become miscreants.

She that the concept of ‘leaving and cleaving’ would also help to reduce divorce and separation.

“Most couples go into marriage not leaving their past, mistakes, fears, and wrong assumptions of the other gender, and they begin to play out in little things,” she said.

A lawyer and human rights activist, Mr. Kabir Akingbolu, said that many present-day marriages were too casually prepared for and arranged, leaving the couples not truly knowing themselves.

“A broken home oftentimes produces irresponsible and psychologically unstable children. These children lack patience, which leads to vices such as stealing and robbery.

“By addressing the causes and implementing supportive measures, the negative impacts of broken homes on society can be reduced, fostering a healthier and more stable community,” he said.