Parents of Kaduna brides may now sigh in relief

Aisha Auwal, a 40-year-old housewife, is anxious.

Her daughter, Sakina, aged 19, is set to be married soon, and the family is yet to provide the traditional household items popularly called Kayan Daki or Gara.

Mrs. Auwal and her husband had purchased a few items. She had also put asidesome money some years ago by using her savings. But all these were not enough. She could not save anymore due to the harsh economic situation in the country.

“When you get little money now, you spend it on food; prices of items have gone high and money is hard to come by,” she said.

What the culture demands

In some parts of Nigeria’s north, particularly in Kaduna State, brides’ parents are expected to furnish the bride and groom’s house and also provide kitchenware and other household items.

The groom, on the other hand, provides shelter and mandatory gifts to the bride, which include sets of boxes containing clothing, jewellery, shoes, bags, and makeup items.

According to Statista, 70 percent of women in Nigeria aged 15 to 49 were married in 2018, while 25 percent never married.

However, according to another study, most of the young population in Nigeria will not be married in 2020.

Around 54 million people aged between 15 and 35 years composed part of the unmarried population, while 39 million young Nigerians were married that year.

In Kaduna State, 49 percent of its population was in monogamous marriages and 16.5 percent in polygamous marriages, while the remaining were people who never married, were divorced, or were widowed.

Hajiya Zulaihat Ibrahim, a 65-year-old woman, said Kayan Daki is deeply rooted in Hausa culture because a bride is expected to go along with household items to her husband’s house.

“I was married off at the age of 16, and during that time, my parents provided two beds and mattresses for me as Kayan Daki. Pots, plates, and other household items were also provided. In those days, there were no sofas.”

Even at that time, any bride who is taken to her husband’s house without those items would be the centre of gossip among female in-laws and neighbours, she added.

“So, that is why parents plan early, so that they can buy these items for their daughters,” she said.

At a loss as to how her family could meet this obligation, Mrs. Auwal confided in a friend who told her about a monthly contribution plan that helps mothers in her current predicament pick items worth the amount they put in.

She immediately joined the plan, saving N3,000 monthly in order to purchase kitchen items for her daughter because she believed providing sufficient household items would raise her status in her new home.

“This is a tradition we grew up to see; my parents also provided the same when I was getting married, and I have to do it for my daughter too, or else she will face harassment or be looked down upon by her in-laws or even the husband.

“To earn respect for your daughter, you have to get her these things so that the husband’s family will appreciate her and be happy; I’m happy that we were able to provide all the necessary things needed, and the girl is happy too,” she said.

Abdullahi Sambo, a married man, said the practice of buying household items for a bride was an age-long practice in Hausa society, saying his wife also came along with furniture, kitchenware, and even food items.

So, abolishing such a practice would be hard, as new things are always discovered to complement and strengthen the tradition, even with the economic situation of the country, he said.

“Any woman sent to her husband’s house without the items would face challenges from the husband and his relatives; they would keep reminding her that she didn’t bring anything along to the house,” he said.

“But if her parents provided sufficient household items, she would be respected by her husband and in-laws. In fact, the husband would overlook some of her shortcomings due to the furniture and food items she came with.”

Sambo pointed out that the practice has no religious backing. In Islam, a man is supposed to provide all the necessary things his wife needs.

“If we can turn back to the religion and do things in accordance with the Islamic religious prescription, we won’t be having this problem where parents with daughters always panic whenever marriage talks come in,” he said.

Societal pressure

In spite of its long-rooted history among Hausa communities in Nigeria, Kayan Daki has been a source of worry to parents whose daughters have reached marriage age.

Parents are put under pressure to ensure that they supply sufficient household items so that the new husband and his family will respect their daughters.

For those who are not economically buoyant, they become indebted for years trying to settle the bills they have incurred. Some run to extended family and friends, seeking financial support so as to be able to buy home essentials for their daughters.

Such is the story of Hafsat Sani, who was threatened by her new in-laws that the boxes the groom usually gives to the bride would not be given to her daughter as she had failed to provide Kayan Daki for her.

“I was expecting some money from my relatives so that I could buy some items for my daughter, but most of them couldn’t give me money, saying the economy is hard. I have no other option than to send her to her husband’s house after the marriage with a mat and some kitchen utensils.

“It was hard for me to see my daughter sad because her father and I couldn’t provide a bed, chairs and some kitchen utensils for her due to poverty; I just hope her husband treats her well,” Mrs Sani said.

Saving for rainy days

This was what spurred Samira Usman, the owner of Meerah’s Kitchen Utensils & More, to introduce an easier way of acquiring household items through a plan that requires the contribution of a minimum of N3,000 monthly.

She created a WhatsApp group where women did so for 10 months, after which they could take what they needed from her store.

“After four months of starting the business, some women complained of insufficient funds to purchase the items of their choice, so I decided to create a platform where they can save monthly and take the goods when their payments are completed.

“Right now, there are over 200 women in my WhatsApp group whom I have helped gather kitchen and household items for their daughters weddings; some daughters who are working also joined the contribution group.

“I showcase all available items in the group, and you select what you want and the quantity; items like pots, plates, and cutlery, deep freezers, cooking gas, and washing machines, among others, are the best sellers,” Mrs. Usman said.

However, those without smartphones are not left out. Mrs. Usman makes provisions for them and records their payments manually.

Unfortunately, some women delay payments or request to take their goods before the slated date, which poses a challenge, Mrs. Usman explained.

Then there are also times when they seek to switch from an agreed-upon item to another due to size or colour.

“Another challenge is some clients not redeeming their pledge after getting their goods.”

Mrs. Auwal was able to marry off her daughter after saving for three years through Meerah’s Kitchen.

“It felt as if I was given the items for free because I went home with lots of items. I started contributing N3,000 at first to see the genuineness of the plan, but I later raised it to saving N9,000 monthly, which gave me an advantage to get more goods.

“Thank God, I was able to impress my daughter’s new family, and we were not put to shame; I didn’t rely on family members and friends’ gifts to provide household items for my daughter,” she said.

But she wished that parents did not have to be burdened in such a manner after raising and educating their daughters.

“If I have the power to change things, I will change this tradition and make it compulsory for the man to provide all the house essentials.”

Another beneficiary of the plan, Rabiatu Yakubu, a resident of Abuja, does not like going to the market.

The mother of three girls has been contributing for three years and has collected her goods without a hitch. She makes a point of saving some of the items pending when a daughter is set to wed.

Safiya Abdullahi, another beneficiary, said: “The contribution is very helpful to women, especially low-income earners like me. With no stress or pressure, I get to save N3,000 monthly and get my goods at the end of the day; as for me, I got my goods before the 10 months elapsed.”