Stop imposing marriage choices on children, lawyer tells parents

Mrs Anthonia Oshiniwe, Secretary, Federation of Women Lawyers Association, Kwara office, has urged parents to desist from imposing marriage choices on their children.

Oshiniwe, in an interview with the newsmen on Thursday, in Ilorin. said such imposition could have negative consequences, including divorce.

“Parents should desist from forcing their children to marry from a particular area or even comparing them with their friends’ children that are already married and have children.

“They are only pushing them to accept any marriage proposal that fits their parents’ demand and not themselves, in which the children will not be able to pick their choice and soul mate.

“I hope this generation of parents will understand that children should be allowed to pick their choice of life partner and only guide and advise them, not force anyone or type on them,” she said.

The expert advised parents to create time for their children, show them love and affection, as well as counsel them on the need to be responsible, hardworking and prayerful.

“A responsible husband and wife start from childhood and upbringing of children, through their parents’ attitude at home and in the society, because children learn more through action than words.

“Parents are the first role model of children, so they should try and be careful of what they do, in order to avoid leaving bad impression that could affect their children,” she said.

The lawyer said that divorce had negative effects, explaining that even when both parents are taking care of the children, there is a need for special attention and prayer.

“Our children are suffering emotional breakdown and parents don’t notice; they only express their feelings and experience, but kids will not be able to do the same.

“I have spoken with many children from broken marriages, who said they will never get married because they do not know the essence of marriage.

“There are some children who suffered trauma from their stepparents after their parents divorced and do not want their own children to go through the same pain,” she said.

Oshiniwe stressed that divorce could be prevented even before courtship, saying that many problems faced in marriage start from selecting a spouse.

“There is no real courtship any longer, just two opposite sexes going out to eat and buy material things for each other, unlike during the days of our forefathers.

“We are no more interested in family background of our spouse, what they can accommodate or reject. Men only care about beauty and shape, while women only care about money.

“Those days, intending couple may not even meet each other personally, they just need to know their family background, readiness for marriage and if the spouse is responsible and well behaved,” she said.

The expert stressed that there are always red flags that should be seen in courtship, but due to beauty and money, people ignore those signs and claim to be in love.

“No matter how short the courtship is, there will be signs noticed by the two parties in a relationship, only that we deliberately ignore those behaviours.

“Eventually, after marriage, you will start complaining that you cannot tolerate those things that you had noticed before, but deliberately ignored out of selfishness, greed and negligence.

“Then, you go asking for separation after marriage, when you can no longer cope with the things that should have been avoided and feel that the marriage is choking and threatening your life,” she said.

The lawyer called on people having difficulties in their marriage to seek help, through mediation, especially outside both families, in order to get solution and live peacefully.

“Couples should try and speak out their pain and grievances to professionals who can help them to get solution to their marriage issues.

“Divorced parents should also go for counselling before another marriage, to help them clear their mind, for the sake of their sanity, their children and the society as a whole,” she said.